What Makes A Relationship Magical For You?

What makes something magical for you?

What has to be there?

And what is not there?

One of the most magical experiences I ever had happened some twenty years ago. I was married at the time, but I had no idea that relationships could be magical. In fact, I still subscribed to Father's notion that, once married, Love was guaranteed to fly out of the window. (Or, at the very least, keep bruising itself very badly as it crashed, over and over again, into the hermetically sealed double glazing.)

It was a balmy, end of summer evening, and I was sitting – with the then husband – on a terrace in Tuscany, with another two couples. The other two couples were old enough to be my grandparents. And they were wonderful, vibrantly alive people. We'd shared food, and good conversation together. Now, we sat in silence, all of us, in our own way, savouring the moment, knowing that this kind of effortless warmth and connection was as good as it gets.

That never happened in my marriage. We never shared moments like that between the two of us.

But, then, I didn't believe it could happen.

It is what happens in the relationship I now have.

See, I'm a believer in everyday magic, in readily available peak experiences.

I like to get the most out of my life as often as I possibly can, without needing to climb a mountain, trek off to distant parts, or consume half a bottle of wine, or so, to make the world look rosier.

A magical relationship is all about sharing a deep, quiet – or not so quiet – joy in the here-and-now.

That can only be based on love, trust, and mutual respect.

Sure, there are a lot of other positive, nurturing emotions in the mix. But they all cluster around love, trust, and mutual respect.

That's what makes for lasting relationship magic.

The adrenalin rush of infatuation, and rampaging pheromones, are fun - while they last. But they don't last that long, do they? And, as with any other 'high' the come down tends not to be pleasant.

The magic of magical relationships, on the other hand, is self-perpetuating.

It's easy to settle for mediocre or Just Over Bad in a relationship. A lot of people do that, often for a lot of years. And they stop seeing – if they ever did truly see – that there is so much more they could have. 

How often do you take the time to think about what your magical relationship would look like – and feel like?

You absolutely deserve it. That goes without saying. But you do need to take the time to flesh out what that means for you. Otherwise, how will you ever be able to create it?

Will you do it?

1 reply
  1. Elizabeth
    Elizabeth says:

    I think this is what every person wants- that “magical” trust, love and and mutual respect with another. But I know a lot of women past midlife who have a hard time finding that person, including myself. It is not something you can depend on if you decide to end an emotionally abusive relationship. You have to be prepared that you may be alone. And that has to be enough, all by itself.


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