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WHAT ARE YOU FOCUSING ON?

It’s no secret that the people who are clear about what they want and steer their course through life in an appropriate and consistent fashion tend to see great results.  Yet not everybody seems able to do that. Why not? The answer may not be quite what you think. Sure, we’ve all heard about the twin vampires of Self-sabotage, and Fear of Success that can suck motivation dry leaving the empty husk of a person on the cutting-room floor of Life…  But is that true?  Or is there something else going on?  (Apart from the hail-storm of metaphors:-) Let’s put aside for a moment the venomous vampires and look, instead, at what’s really going on? In fact, before we even turn our gaze onto What’s Really Happening, let’s listen - closely -to what’s happening inside our heads: that thing grandly called your “Internal Dialogue”. That’s the stuff people tell themselves when they think nobody is listening. noisepollutionsmallActually, it’s much more deserving of the name “Noise Pollution” (NP). However you cut it, the bottom line, NP is all about not being good enough.  Simple fact: you cannot run the Self-Sabotage and Fear of Success program without believing at some deep - possibly unconscious - level that when you get right down to it you’re just not good enough. Of course, there tend to be a few unspoken questions that you’re just not hearing like:
  • Not good enough for what?
  • Not good enough for whom?
  • How good is good?
  • How good do I have to be and how good do Other People need to be? 
You see, there’s just too much noise going on to hear those questions. But you’re reading this now, which means you’ve caught yourself in a responsive frame of mind.  Hooray!  So, let’s make the most of it.  Let’s get the old pitchfork out, so to speak, and make some hay while this sun is shining. Somewhere along the line, you absolutely must have learned this story of being not quite fit for some kind of aspirational purpose.  That story has stayed with you.     (Perhaps nobody ever told you that story had a sell-by date.  In reality, all the negative stuff people ever say to you has a sell-by date, and a very short shelf-life.  The problem is that nobody told you that.  Still, if you don’t make it your job to inspect the sell-by dates regularly and discard the outdated stuff, it’s not going to jump off the shelf all on its ownsome.  You don’t see turkeys voting for Christmas, and you certainly don’t see the ancient, mystery contents of your fridge making a nose-dive for the bin.  Right? It’s the same kind of thing.)  So, why are you still giving asylum to this… stuff that is richly deserving of being trashed right this minute? Are you ready for  the answer? You’re doing it because you are so focused on what matters. That’s right.  How can that be?  You thought you weren’t focused, and now I’m telling you that you are. Once again, it’s because you’ve not been exercising your question muscle.  You’ve been focused alright. But you’ve been focused on someone else’s agenda. You’ve been focused on what matters - or what once mattered - to someone else. In fact, you’ve been SO focused on what matters - or mattered - to them that you’ve not had the time and space to consider what really matters to you. If you did, it might take you a little while to formulate an answer.  Because thinking about what truly matters to you could be such an alien activity.  That doesn’t mean you can’t.  It just means it’s a new skill you have to get a handle on. Can you do it? Of course you can.  It’s as simple as accepting that you’re part of the equation.  You matter.  Therefore what matters only really matters when you relate it back to you.  If it doesn’t relate to your well-being also, then it may well matter rather less than you believed it did. When you’re not able to focus on what truly matters, that only happens because you’re feeling uncomfortable about putting yourself at the heart of your own world. Isn’t it time for you to get over it?
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