My elderly mother belonged to the generation who learned to drive by getting in a car and... well, 'driving'. Her first attempts were pretty hair-raising. But, gradually, she learned to crash less, and maintain better control of the car. Too many of us women do relationships in much the same way. So, here are a few quick, fun, tips to help take the 'car crash' out of relationships.
- Discover who you are first, and then be sure to be yourself - from Day 1 on.
- Have a life worth living. Don’t look to a partner to provide something for you that you aren’t providing for yourself.
- Don’t put your hopes in being able to tweak, change, or improve a partner over time. A man is not a makeover project.
- Keep your sense of humour; and choose someone whose sense of humour is kind and gentle.
- Don’t bother signing up for a Bad Boy, unless you’re happy to sign up for Bad Times.
- Don’t expect your partner to be a mind-reader. At least, don’t expect him to be a mind-reader unless he has made a handsome income out of mind-reading – professionally - for 40 years, or more.
- It really helps to ask him the questions you want answer to. It beats assuming, guessing, and projecting, every time. Especially if you respect the difference between asking and interrogating.
- Don’t imagine that if you both bring unresolved baggage to the relationship, that shared baggage will be baggage halved. It won’t. At best, it will be baggage doubled. At worst, it will be baggage multiplied. A relationship is not a Get Out of Doing the Work on Yourself card.
- People with anger issues are best avoided. You want a partner, rather than a life as a lion-tamer.
- You can’t just cherry-pick the aspects he reveals when he is at the top of his game. Find out what his behaviour is like when he’s at the bottom of his game. If you don't like what you see, then he’s not a good match for you. There’ll be too many times when he is at, or near, the bottom of his game. That's life.