Just for today, let's take a look at constancy. Constancy, it seems to me, is a grossly underrated virtue, and one that can bring a LOT of happiness to your life.
Isn't it funny how our parents shape our expectations when it comes to relationships. My father was one of those half-empty glass people. His take on relationships was: “When you get married, Love flies out the window.” (That was before the days of living together, otherwise he would have included cohabitees in his bleak prognostication.)
When I got married, I was absolutely D-E-T-E-R-M-I-N-E-D to prove him wrong.
Despite my husband's and my best efforts to keep the windows shut, Love flew out of the door, or burrowed it's way out under the floorboards, or maybe .
Father's belief that relationships are a downhill spiral came true – bless him. Not because he was right, but because or the beliefs, expectations, and behaviours he programmed into his only daughter.
You see, it's not about what is - or isn't - true and right. It's all about what we focus on – and what we expect. Deep down.
If you're at all familiar with the Law of Attraction, you'll know that you attract into your life what you focus on. So, if you're still telling yourself some kind of negative story, and you still have deep-seated negative beliefs about what happens in relationships, then....
You end up focusing on the bad stuff. You remind yourself, over and over again, about what you don't want.
The net result?
That focus brings it into being.
Not least because negative beliefs open the way to attitudes and behaviours that are also on a downhill spiral.
What distinguishes good relationships from the downhill ones?
A certain kind of constancy. That is – and I quote google here:
Constancy - Noun
Constancy is a commitment to good behaviour, and loving attitudes. A willingness to believe the best of your partner... and yourself. An expectation, and encouragement, to behave from the best and highest part of the self.
Constancy is, I feel, a rather underrated value in relationships – that is, I have yet to hear a single client say to me:
“I want to be with someone who is constantly loving, and respectful towards me.”
Yet, when I ask them: “How would it be to be with someone who is constantly loving and considerate -even if they're cross?” they're blown away. They say: “That would be amazing. Is that really possible?”
Nobody, but NOBODY, has yet said; “Oh, yuk! That would be disgusting.”
Smarmy is icky, and putting you on a pedestal is, well... creepy, and bound to be short-term. But that's not the same as being really seen, heard, and LOVED for who you are. And how you are.
That kind of constancy works for me. How about you?